Raising Pinocchio

Tales on raising a child with autism and the kismet of living in semi-rural suburbia.

Wednesday, September 13, 2006

Foggy Thoughts on a Rainy Day

Do you ever feel like a salmon trying to swim upstream, but falling behind? That's how I've been feeling lately. There's just so much going on and I feel like it all rests on my shoulders. First and foremost is my son's education, of course. Trying to get him set up with services and whatnot ... only to find out that the school hasn't been honoring his current IEP (individualized education plan -- an epithet cloaking the reality of schools doing as little as possible to achieve what is minimally acceptable) and is providing less speech therapy than they should be. That's a battle I have to fight today. The private-pay speech therapy clinic was too far, so now I have to find another. We're awaiting the start of his behavioral therapy. We're awaiting the assignment of a new caseworker be/c the old one was rude, uncaring, and didn't do her job. The house desperately needs painting in almost all the rooms, the yard needs a major amount of weeding, we have boxes of books laying around the downstairs that need to be stored somewhere permanently, and
we still don't have a toilet paper holder in our master bathroom. I feel like I've been losing headway with our neighbors be/c I have so much to do, so many cares and worries, and so little time to deal with anything that I probably haven't been as friendly and outgoing as they'd hoped. And then, of course, is the mammoth amount of chores that go into keeping a household running. *sigh* I told my husband that if he ever wants to get a second wife, I'd be happy to share my duties with her!!! He, unfortunately, has declined the offer.

I sometimes look around and can't believe that this is my life -- the once so-optimistic and energetic young woman is flagging and weary. I have grey hair, which I'm working very hard to keep dyed blonde and aches in many joints. Is this maturity or overwork?

I feel like I've lost touch with so many people. Such is the specter of autism, I guess. It envelops the whole family in a cloud of lapsed phone calls and scattered energies. Am I struggling with depresson? Most certainly I am. Who wouldn't, given the same circumstances? This whole experience would be difficult enough if I were living in a familiar area, surrounded by family and long-time friends. Living in a new state, in a new house, with new people around, and no stabilizing comfort of those who truly understand makes my life even more challenging.

I miss driving around with friends, listening to Billy Joel, and eating French Fries.

4 Comments:

Blogger Pitsaleh said...

Do I sometimes feel like "a salmon trying to swim upstream"? Absolutely. More so recently than ever before. What's more, I'm struggling to hold back the tide, (though for reasons different to yours.)

I'm intrigued that you used to work in healthcare- it's the field of study I'm interested in- Psychiatry to be more specific. Mind you, if anyone needs to be seen to by a phychiatrist it's me, which is probably my reason for wanting to study it, because I feel I can relate and empathise.

I think we can all do with a bit of driving around aimlessly, whilst eating French Fries and listening to Billy Joel (alternatively Bob Dylan or better yet, Elliott Smith!).

Ps. did I mention I love your blog? Excellent I say!

8:18 AM  
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6:46 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I've often felt like a salmon swimming against the tide and am happily surprised to hear when others do too. At least you know what your battles are. Not all of us are so lucky. Your love for your family is so evident in your words that I wish I had one. Even though I'm able to drive aimlessly eating fries, that hasn't been a panacea for my life. Love your blog and will keep watching for future pages.

9:26 PM  
Blogger coralseas said...

I identify totally with you....

My friends have given up on me. Which is fine for the moment, as I am chronically unable to have a simple conversation. Everything is about my child. Even I am sick of hearing my own voice bleating on about therapy and the inadequacies of provision for autistic children.

What do I miss? More than anything, spontaneity. I once went to the airport, pre-children, and booked the next flight out. I ended up in Athens for a long weekend. Can't do that anymore.

Complete empathy, Crystal. Except for the part about the second wife. :)

8:35 AM  

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